Well, call me pea-green and make me into a pot of soup. I am simply simmering with envy over Stephanie Klein’s fame and book deal. We have so much in common, and yet here I founder in the Technorati backwaters hoping against hope that someday in the far, far future a literary journal might publish one of my essays.
I don’t get it. We both blog. We’re both Barnard grads. I too have had red hair. I too was a fat child. I have lived in New York. We probably ate at the same deli! And most of all, I have shared the most intimate details of my life with you, gentle readers. How, Old-Testament-style, I hate one neighbor and love another; how I hate my last haircut and love sales at Talbot’s; how I feel sad when bad things happen, and how much I like online bibliographic software such as RefWorks.
O.k., maybe I do see why this blog has not lead to fame, a New York Times article, or a book deal. But I can change, starting today!
First, let me adopt a more au courant writing style. No more biblish, no more tiresome polysyllabic nonsense, no more mundane middle-class mutterings. From now on, in the words of Ms. Klein, “Yeah, right. Okay. Whatever.” No more talk of buying sports bras at Target (though mind you, I did finally settle on the two-for-$8 deal and I like these bras better than much more expensive over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders I have purchased in the past. See how casual I can be?). No more free verse. No more discussion about the American Library Association. And many more kicky phrases, such as “I love etymology almost as much as karaoke.” (Why can’t Language Log come up with one-liners like that?) Not to mention Klein’s soliloquy to her date that made my toes curl with envy: “I just spent half a day telling you, communicating with you, saying things that were really hard for me to admit, and then, you apologize, say it won’t happen again. Then, BAM! You pull a fcuking Emril on me.”
Then–let’s get to why people really read Klein’s blog–there’s the sex and the other lurid personal details (because it certainly isn’t the writing, and is this what Barnard turns out these days?). Yes. As soon as Sandy comes home this afternoon I will ask for her permission to write about our sex life, past, present, future, and imagined. She is very supportive of my writing endeavors (oh dear; “endeavor” is not a very Klein sort of word) and I am sure she will agree that splashing our personal life onto this blog, where it will then have a digital half-life in perpetuity, is a reasonable exchange for my personal gain, particularly for a book that very important people will read for at least one season.
I know it awaits me: the celebrity, the book deal, the book jacket with the pink cover and the high heel and martini glass on it. It can be mine! I just have to–BAM!–change my tiresome ways.
Posted on this day, other years:
- The well of studiousness - 2015
- Best practices for managing virtual workers - 2007
- My Techsource Post about Dewey - 2007
- It almost goes without saying - 2006
How cheeky. How about spending 6 months crafting a book proposal. Start there. And just so you know, the blog is my throat clearing. The hard writing, the place where I make the effort, is for my books, not the blog. The blog is what I do to get to the good writing. So thanks for noticing.
Ah, but Karen, you’re married. She gets interrupted on dates. Do you really want that?
Why AREN’T you? Check out my BLOG for insight!
To LazyGal: You’re absolutely correct. We just had a peaceful afternoon looking at screen doors at Home Depot, and no one pestered me. It was great.
To Stephanie, as one Barnyarder to another: Yeah, right. Okay. Whatever! But think about this: naturally I’m not really jealous, and our two situations are not truly analogous (essay publishing is not quite like book publishing, and I have not been aggressively shipping out essays anyway), but don’t you think your throat-clearing reflects on you as well, as does your choice to disclose all? I was poking fun at myself, at some of my less interesting posts, but on a more serious level, I am very conscious of how I represent myself in print. I also am concerned that once the current rage of disclose-all bloglit is gone, it will leave in its wake a number of people who live to regret how much they disclosed for the sake of a book deal.
Simple, your not as hot or motivated
That’s it! Or perhaps, thats it. Thanks for the tip!
Ummm…you write marvelously. I think it’s the Talbots (or do you look really young for your age?). Try, say, Ann Taylor and they’ll be bringing the screen doors to you! 🙂
Eek. The good news is I had never before heard of Stephanie Klein before encountering your post here at FRL. The other good news is I only got through like 2.5 of her posts before I said, “feh, life is too short for me to read this.” I have never said that about FRL.
Maybe I should have tried harder? You see I, too, am an alumna of Barnard. I am even a published author (search hard and long as you must), as well as a happy, lesser light of the biblioblogosphere.
I’m kind of offended, in general and in particular for you, KGS. I LOVE that you discuss secondary sexual characteristics (leg hair and sports bras) in a library blog. I think you get the ratio of personal to professional just right. I don’t feel the need to share much more than I have so far about my personal affairs in my blog.
I allow a lot of l33t into my writing <3. One position ago, I worked with a lot of teens, and had to learn their language. Some of the mud stuck. The few posts by SK that I read did not seem to have any grace or motion to them. I distinctly remember Elizabeth Hardwick lecturing a seminar group on grace and motion in writing. I will never match her as an essay writer. You will also never find a link to “more pictures of me” anywhere. I think that was in the “taste” lecture. /meow
Clearly you are not as popular as she is because you are not claiming to be writing your posts while in the nude! 😉
Dear KGS
It is evident that you try to be so clever. People are not interested in your attempts at displaying your intelligence – it’s boring. Rather try and be interesting. Until then, you should read books, not write them.
So in other words, if I tried to be less clever I would be more interesting?
Having a blog is only a fraction of what a writer is all about. It’s like exercise— to improve writing skills. Stephanie has written books,—she worked hard to send them to publishers and what not. Believe me, I am a struggling writer myself, and I have sent two of my books out to NUMEROUS publishers—nada. Then I sent them out to agents who can help me, and it is still hard work.
Hang in there. You’re a wonderful writer from what I can see. Patience and a positive outlook will help you. Being envy, won’t. Sometimes God works in mysterious ways. You’ll find your way there, ~timing~ is everything.
I wish you the best—hang in there, okay?
Warmest regards,
Deb
Actually, I’m not jealous of Stephanie Klein. If that didn’t come through, then I need to work on my style. I’ll follow up with a longer post… but thank you for writing. Good luck to you! Keep writing! Keep sending it in!
I met Stephanie Klein, I know Stephanie Klein and Stephanie Klein is no John Kennedy..oops got that wrong, I meant to say Carrie Bradshaw or was it Candace Bushnell. The problem here is the repackaging of a product that was previously created. This re spun chic lit essentially makes Stephanie Klein’s Greek Tragedy, the P Diddy of the Chic Lit set. It is a riff of something which has already been done
I used to work with her in the early days at Juno Online…she was always a drama queen..My feeling is she wanted to invent herself.. but too much on the sex and the city chatter..nothing new here just a loser divorcee. She isnt Carrie and will neve be..the joke is she wont earn out her advance
Well said, Christopher London!! It’s just too much for me–the irony of her rejecting a pink book cover with pointy shoes and shopping bags on it when she’s riding hard this wave of SATC-derivative chick lit…blecch!!
>>>>
KGS: Your style is just fine. This was a tongue-in-cheek post, and by missing that, SK & her uber-sycophantic cronies (who slobber ALL OVER her blog) only demonstrate, yet again, that they take themselves wa-a-a-y too seriously.
Anyone else find it HYSTERICAL that SK was the first to respond to this entry? You know she’s Googling herself every 3 seconds. Loves it!!
I ran across SK book at a book store…which wasn’t selling well, by the way. I googled her to read this. I agree, she is self centered and egocentric. If she and I traded places, she would truly have a taste of the real world.
Emmy, what would your world look like?
Your writing is great. I ove your style. Stephanie has her book deal because she’s cute, she’s young and she tells all. That’s what we want these days, isn’t it? We want someone who blogs while naked. We want more Sex and the City. We want to peek into the bedrooms of busy, pretty girls. And when they let us do that, we flock to our screens. Remember JennieCam? She let us look in on her personal life. If we were lucky we got to see her and her boyfriend in bed. Stephanie’s no different.